I've been out of a relationship for 3 months now. In no way am I ready to date again. But tonight I am going to hang out with a male friend. My grandmother just asked me if he was my boyfriend. I told her no. Then she smiled at me, touched my chin, and asked me why I don't have a boyfriend yet. Uhhhhhh. 

Have you ever been asked that question? How do you respond?

My boyfriend of two years and I broke up a couple months ago.  My friends and family members are taking the news differently and have different ways of trying to make me feel better. Since each of them seem so adamant on giving me advice, I figured the least I could do was return the favor. 

Some loved ones try to cheer me up by telling me that my ex was not good enough for me and that I deserve so much better. Then what was I doing wasting my time with him? Degrading my relationship with him is a sure way to make me feel better. 

Some friends try to avoid the issue all together. I realize sometimes it is better not to dwell on the issue but a sincere, how are you doing works just fine. I'm not talking about the "how's it going" as a greeting. By avoiding the issue, it's comforting to know you want to help me out with my grieving. 

Then there are those who are WAY too optimistic. Saying "I hope you two get back together" or "you two were so good together! Couldn't you work things out?" Just gives me too much hope, especially since i was the dumped. Please don't try to comfort me with sweet words. I'll just get a sugar high off of them, and you won't be there to help me cope with the crash. I need a strong dose of reality, not fantasy. I have to accept the truth, as much as I may not want to. 

So do you have any well meaning friends who give bad advice? What advice have they given you?

Well --- maybe he isn’t quite boyfriend material but there is no denying his potential. I just got out of a 2 year relationship, so clearly this is just for fun and games.

While he is a little short and round for my tastes, I am not picky right now. He is available, and that is all that really matters at this point. He always sticks around and never goes anywhere without me. I like that kind of devotion.  I do not have to worry about him hanging out late with the boys, or if he is up to no good.

I love holding him. He fits so nicely into my hand. It's never that awkward “which-arm-goes-over” in the hand holding scenario. While he is not much of a cuddler, at least he never snores or rolls away from me in bed.

He isn't much of a talker which is fine by me because I always have a lot to say. When he does speak he is short and to the point. He doesn't talk nonsense to just fill the space, which is one of the things I like about him. Sometimes I do get annoyed whenever I ask him if my outfit makes me look fat -- he always has dodgy answers like "better not tell you now." Just give me a clear response! But for the most part it’s all good. I can ask him endless questions like "Does my ex still love me?" and he never tires of answering my questions. He is always there to hear me out. 

So… yeah, maybe the Magic 8 Ball doesn’t satisfy ALL of my needs… but he is a good substitute for my lonely heart for now. 

When dealing with a break up, do you find some sort of substitute? Whether it be a real rebound relationship, a new hobby or something else?